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The Psychology ofTimology:

a shrink helping others expand

by Timothy Rogers, MA., LMFT

Licensed Psychotherapist MFC101500

Once trapped in the inner circle of thought, I would fill in the blanks of those unknown parts of my Self with Self deprecation "humor" and Self deflating mantras. Therapy continues to help me to feel in those blanks spots instead. Revealing that those 'unknown' parts were actually underdeveloped aspects of my already established, but kept away from my conscious Self.


I kept these Self-actualized aspects of me away from my conscious Self as a way to remain protected from those extremely uncomfortable feelings of rejection, disappointment, and of course, loss. Keeping my Self small also kept me 'safe' from feelings of vulnerability which are annoyingly ubiquitous in The Unknown, 


This liar of protection also kept me from experiencing the main ingredient in the recipe that makes for an incredibly satisfying, deeply meaningful and of course consistency joyous, relieving and long lasting life. That aspect of life which alludes MANY of us humans trying to be much too often is......

to be a willing equal contributor to and the recent of... Several Healthy, Intimate and above all authentic relationship(s). The actualization by implementation of this realization continues to be the passion which informs my career, my marriage and all of my relating with others. 


It is from this more accurately informed place, this center core of Self-worth which allows for the next level of unwavering Self-esteem. When you can experience the constancy of those two core values of Self, then anything you do, say and even stay silent about can only lead to the outer core of Self...Confidence. 

In writing this Blog, I remind my Self that I no longer need that liar of protection to keep me safe. By documenting my experiences as a Licensed Mental Health Professional, I continue the life long pursuit of remembering my true Self who can not only tolerate The Unknown, but who can help others do the same., and more! 


It is my hope that this blog becomes a rubric for me and anyone who is interested in remembering themSelves and learning how to finally be attracted to what's healthy. And. Away. I. Know!

NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTION:

Remembering your Self

- How do achieve true Self acceptance?

December 31, 2018

Accept it. You are not  like everyone else. That's the good news. Wanting to belong, to be liked and to ultimately feel loved and accepted is a very real motivator for people to conform. To be what has been so ubiquitously labeled as people pleasers. 


I am proud to say that I work hard to not only help as many people as I can remind themSelves of the strength of themSelves, but also a very real desire to add to the clinical dialogue and evolution of the field of Psychology by being a significant contributor to the field I've fallen in love with and of which has given me so much.  by challenging what appears to be what I call "The Dogma of Diagnosis," I realize that for many, having a label or diagnosis is not only preferable but profitable. 


However, I also know and see the irony in the notion that to conform is to actually sentence one's Self to a lifetime of loneliness. In my practice, I specialize in working with those patients whose trauma symptoms are so acute, so pervasive and so potentially lethal that they are usually given a diagnosis of one of the most misdiagnosed and misunderstood mental health conditions in the field.

 

To have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD, you would have experienced  unstable relationships, emotional reactivity and dysregulation, impulsivity, and other challenging interpersonal features.


BPD is one of the most heavily stigmatized mental health conditions a person can experience. This rampant stigma has both tangible and emotional consequences that can worsen existing difficulties with BPD. In the form of judgments, blame, negative assumptions and discrimination, stigma can lead a person experiencing BPD to feel ashamed and hide their suffering. 


The thing is, to be able to successfully help people heal and move through (NOT get over) their tortuous traumas of the past, I have to think that t’s less about the diagnosis, and more about placing all of the complex trauma people have experienced in a context that has been studied, researched, measured and clinically defined. Then, using this information as a GUIDE to find the best support and ACTUALLY help them live their best life!


Researching, working with and now specializing with this “disorder," has proven to be a significant contributor to the answer of what I believe is everyone’s greatest mystery and the true, unearthed and final answer to why everyone can use some good therapy.


It is my contention that everyone who participates in the therapeutic process, will find and be able to definitively answer for themSelves WHY ARE YOU HERE, OR WHAT IS YOUR EMPATHIC PURPOSE?


I have a theory that people with what I’ve surmised as The Trauma of the neglected Self™️, what the field of Psychology and its sycophant-like clinicians call Borderline Personality Disorder, are actually the world changers. 


We’re their insightful grace when their worlds are falling apart. And while we will always have to find a way to manage this responsibility, this constant reminder of our deep deep loss, if we don’t accept this ... mission, we will remain in that loss and rather than be found (seen, known, accepted and deeply loved), will be forever lost to our Selves, be victim to our victimization and always be trying to catch up to basic.


As the leaders of  and the reason everyone else has permission to dream, those who have abandonment as their core identity have the burden of .emotiinal sensitivity so acute, they’ve been described as being burn victims.


Their outer protective layer of skin removed and  being  hugged so rare, that for them to be touched, is torturous. Empathy is  experienced as  condescension, and therefore relationships are merely a vehicle to prove how unlovable they feel.


therapist has confirmed this on a level so subtle and authentic, that only someone with this traumatic background could pick up on it.

I believe with my entire being that you too are “one of us,” and like it was for me, it’s time to stop pretending that we’re like everybody else. We’re not. 


I


It would be nice to imagine that there were some scientific way to determine diagnosis.A biological or chemical tests to establish diagnoses, we fall back on consensus reality and an understanding of people and relationships between them., of relations between emotions and on local custom and ways of perking experiences. One outgrowth of this approach - an attempt to develop, by consensus, descriptions of all disorders thought to be reflective of one illness of one kind or another. categories have been expanded and elaborate in the years since the first edition was published; yet all but the rarest categories still depends on the subjectiveness of the examiner. Local custom, training of the examiner, examiner biases, insurance coverage, perceived 

NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTION:

Remembering your Self

- How do achieve true Self acceptance?

December 31, 2018

Accept it. You are not  like everyone else. That's the good news. Wanting to belong, to be liked and to ultimately feel loved and accepted is a very real motivator for people to conform. To be what has been so ubiquitously labeled as people pleasers. 


I am proud to say that I work hard to not only help as many people as I can remind themSelves of the strength of themSelves, but also a very real desire to add to the clinical dialogue and evolution of the field of Psychology by being a significant contributor to the field I've fallen in love with and of which has given me so much.  by challenging what appears to be what I call "The Dogma of Diagnosis," I realize that for many, having a label or diagnosis is not only preferable but profitable. 


However, I also know and see the irony in the notion that to conform is to actually sentence one's Self to a lifetime of loneliness. In my practice, I specialize in working with those patients whose trauma symptoms are so acute, so pervasive and so potentially lethal that they are usually given a diagnosis of one of the most misdiagnosed and misunderstood mental health conditions in the field.

 

To have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD, you would have experienced  unstable relationships, emotional reactivity and dysregulation, impulsivity, and other challenging interpersonal features.


BPD is one of the most heavily stigmatized mental health conditions a person can experience. This rampant stigma has both tangible and emotional consequences that can worsen existing difficulties with BPD. In the form of judgments, blame, negative assumptions and discrimination, stigma can lead a person experiencing BPD to feel ashamed and hide their suffering. 


The thing is, to be able to successfully help people heal and move through (NOT get over) their tortuous traumas of the past, I have to think that t’s less about the diagnosis, and more about placing all of the complex trauma people have experienced in a context that has been studied, researched, measured and clinically defined. Then, using this information as a GUIDE to find the best support and ACTUALLY help them live their best life!


Researching, working with and now specializing with this “disorder," has proven to be a significant contributor to the answer of what I believe is everyone’s greatest mystery and the true, unearthed and final answer to why everyone can use some good therapy.


It is my contention that everyone who participates in the therapeutic process, will find and be able to definitively answer for themSelves WHY ARE YOU HERE, OR WHAT IS YOUR EMPATHIC PURPOSE?


I have a theory that people with what I’ve surmised as The Trauma of the neglected Self™️, what the field of Psychology and its sycophant-like clinicians call Borderline Personality Disorder, are actually the world changers. 


We’re their insightful grace when their worlds are falling apart. And while we will always have to find a way to manage this responsibility, this constant reminder of our deep deep loss, if we don’t accept this ... mission, we will remain in that loss and rather than be found (seen, known, accepted and deeply loved), will be forever lost to our Selves, be victim to our victimization and always be trying to catch up to basic.


As the leaders of  and the reason everyone else has permission to dream, those who have abandonment as their core identity have the burden of .emotiinal sensitivity so acute, they’ve been described as being burn victims.


Their outer protective layer of skin removed and  being  hugged so rare, that for them to be touched, is torturous. Empathy is  experienced as  condescension, and therefore relationships are merely a vehicle to prove how unlovable they feel.


therapist has confirmed this on a level so subtle and authentic, that only someone with this traumatic background could pick up on it.

I believe with my entire being that you too are “one of us,” and like it was for me, it’s time to stop pretending that we’re like everybody else. We’re not. 


I


It would be nice to imagine that there were some scientific way to determine diagnosis.A biological or chemical tests to establish diagnoses, we fall back on consensus reality and an understanding of people and relationships between them., of relations between emotions and on local custom and ways of perking experiences. One outgrowth of this approach - an attempt to develop, by consensus, descriptions of all disorders thought to be reflective of one illness of one kind or another. categories have been expanded and elaborate in the years since the first edition was published; yet all but the rarest categories still depends on the subjectiveness of the examiner. Local custom, training of the examiner, examiner biases, insurance coverage, perceived 

More than just a phase

December 31, 2018

The following is an excerpt from the book Psychoanalytic Doagnosis by Nancy McWilliams.  In my work with those who have had much loss in childhood, from a clinical perspective  becoming Depressed is a forgone conclusion. 


Loss is experienced differently by different people, however, to the extent that a deep Depression follows not only so much loss, but the suppression of those feelings, appears to be something that acrosss the board all children of loss experience.


I believe this writer explains it well. Now there are more clinical concepts she’s stating, and so I’ve taken the liberty of connecting a link to a word or phrase which appears less than common in the lexicon of general society. 

——-

Not just early loss but conditions that make it difficult for the child to understand realistically what happened, and to grieve normally (I prefer the term naturally), may engender depressive tendencies. One such condition is developmental.


 Two-year-olds are simply too young to fathom fully that people die, and why they die, and are incapable of appreciating complex interpersonal motives such as “Daddy loves you, but he is moving out because he and Mommy don’t get along.” The world of the 2-year-old is still magical and categorical. At the height of conceiving things in gross categories of good and bad, the toddler whose parent disappears may generate assumptions about badness that are impossible to counteract, even with reasonable educative (or empathic) comments. A major loss in the separation–individuation phase virtually guarantees some depressive dynamics.